Private: Keep Out

It's been a while but I just have some things to rant about. First off, I'm already thinking of moving. And not even far away but out of West Logan. I am definately saving my money and buying a secuity camera for my dad's house. Also gonna buy a gun. Sick and tired of these sluts and losers around town coming to Dad's door all hours of the day. And not only his door but they've come to mine too. I really like my privacy and I like peace and quiet where I live. It's not that I feel unsafe but just aggravated. Dad's lawn mower was stolen from the yard in the past few days. Not while we were on vacay but while we were probably at work or asleep. I have a camera and I posted a PRIVATE PROPERTY sign in my window beside the camera. But I made some for Dad's place too and I am gonna get that damn camera or two or three. I seriously can't stand the thought of these type of people invading my privacy (since Dad's house still holds my childhood things) and the feeling that they are invading my mother's space too. I really hate hearing his gate open sometimes because I seriously want to go out there with my knife (or two or three) and hurt someone. Is that bad of me? Well I think not. Crack whores and sluts and dope heads and pill heads...they all can just get the f*ck out of West Logan as far as I'm concerened. This town used to be so nice to live in. But as soon as they opened that motel (the old Mathis) back up, this place has turned into the white people's Artisan Avenue. Please God, give me strength to deal with this!



On a brighter note, I had a blast at Disney. Spending mucho time with the sis was great. Plus Arnie slept under my arm most of the time. He's too cute! I think my fave park though was Epcot. Maybe because I liked the World Showcase so much. I do love animals though and that was awesome at Animal Kingdom but that's what I liked about it, the animals. I just liked Epcot for being more adult friendly. And the German beer was the shiznit. I would have liked to spend more time there though. Maybe buy some things from the cultural shops and drink some more unusual beverages that aren't common in these parts. I think Disney is something I'd love to do again sometime.







I started a little story in my head last night before bed though I fell asleep and never wrote anything down. Kinda a bit like this:

I was born without my own hands. For these hands are your hands. Your hands write my name, write these words. The hands of a poet. And yet your hands are dead. How could they write my name, write these words? Two hands, replicas of your past and my future. Hands that you still use though your gone. I cherish your hands. Able to feel your touch on my face, the warmth they give. I'm glad I have your hands and not my own. For your hands are much better than my own would be. I look at your hands through your eyes. For you gave me those too. Thank you for your hands, Mom.



(not really a poem or anything but just some little things I think about when I look at my hands...because my hands look soooo much like my mom's hands, except skinnier lol)



OK sleepy now so I'm signing off (with Mom's hands) and going to bed. Night!

Food Revolution

Ok...so I just watched the first episode of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. I feel so sorry for him. Those people were so mean. And the school lunch ladies, the guy at the DAWG radio station, and food service lady (ALL NEED PUNCHED IN THE FACE)!!! There I said it. I wish I had someone come in when I was growing up to help change the things we ate in school. Now yes I am a skinny person. But wish I had better food to eat as a child. I grew up with a good Mommy to cook me real, homemade food. But had to eat crap at school. What about the many many students who do not have parents who will cook good stuff for them. They eat pizza bites and such for dinner. Then come to school and eat processed food. I see it everyday. The kids do throw a lot away. And no, we cannot just give it to the homeless because most kids play in it if they don't eat it so we have to throw it away. The cooks at that school Jamie went to must have just been lazy or set in their ways. Just because he is from a different country, they think he's out to tell us he's better than us. That's not the case. He was here to help. I've seen the amount of kids who are unhealthy and overweight. It's not fun for them. It's not fun when they can't keep up with the other kids. It's not fun when they are being called names. It's not fun when a third grader has diabetes because he/she is overweight. (and still drinks soda). I hate how Jamie was treated. I wish I knew how to get in contact with him. It'd be nice to have him come to Logan. Yeah the food at school is ok to me, but I would love to have a healthier alternative. And if I had kids, I'd want them eating the best stuff. Not all that processed crap. I will continue watching the show and hope that these negative people change their minds about the food they eat. GO JAMIE OLIVER!!!!!!!!!

I'll never be as good at this blogging stuff as Missy. I love her videos.

So, it's been a while. Things have really taken a change in my life. I got hired on as a teacher in Logan County. Right now, I'm working as a Title I Reading and Math teacher at West Chapmanville Elementary School. I absolutely love teaching. It is what I've always wanted to do and now I know why. It is so rewarding. The kids are the reason. I see them learn and grow and it makes me so proud to be a part of it. I am loved by the kids and the staff. It feels like a home. Sad though that next year I'll probably be at the high school. My level of expertise after all is Social Studies. It will be hard to go from hugs to being cussed out LOL. But I know I will enjoy teaching something I'm passionate about.

I moved back to Logan. It's good to be close to family again. And seeing my old friends is great. I've seen people I forgot existed (sad but true). But there isn't much to do around here. And my heart is still in Huntington. No, I still haven't given up on Alex and I. What is the saying? "Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about." We're working on things. He's a good man, he just needs to figure out what he wants out of life and what his path is on getting there. But he doesn't wanna be pushed into finding what he wants until he's ready. Hmmm...I kinda had an idea of where I wanted my life to go a few years ago, maybe even sooner. But some people need more time than others.

I got a new car. It's a Honda Civic 2008. I LOVE IT! Just what I wanted. It starts when I turn the key. Great on gas mileage. Pertiful as can be! Did I say I love my car?

Missing my sister. Missy!!! She means so much to me. It's so hard being away from her. Especially now that we are both moving along well in our careers and are at a comfortable place in life. One thing is for certain. We definately will have to live close to each other when we decide to settle down. I want to be able to ride my bike to her house :) I love her more than any other person on this Earth.

Well, farewell for now. I'll try to remember to add more soon.

New job, new life.

So, I'm still a bit left in the dark on the job situation but thinking things are coming through. I hope to hear good news soon. I've filled out the application to the Transition to Teaching program and sent them my transcripts. I have to order my praxis scores to be sent there since I have no idea where I would have those tucked away in my apartment or even if I have them at all. I know I passed, that's something lol. I need to get a background check and fingerprinted though I am totally unsure where I need to go to do that. But if things work out, the state will buy me a laptop, pay for any travel expenses, and for the year of online classes I will need. They will temporarily ctify me to teach. Ah, those poor kids won't know what's coming hehe.

I wouldn't say I'm all that nervous about the job (what I'll be doing) as much as I am not knowing what all is going on about me getting the job. It's hard not knowing when you'll start work or where you'll be or what yo'll be doing. NOW I KNOW HOW MISSY FELT!!!

I'm not looking foward to moving back to Logan that's for sure but it won't be that bad. Now I'll be able to afford a reliable car and can travel the hour fifteen to Huntington when I want. Something gas efficient I think :) and that runs.

On a brighter note, things are ok with Alex still. I guess we're just taking things one day at a time. I'm not so worried about getting back together (since I'll be away). But we are getting along a lot better and spending mucho time together. I enjoy it and he does too. Who knows where it will lead nor if it will lead anywhere. But I do know I love him and will stick by him.

I'm really happy my sissy is doing well and enjoys her job and time in Florida. She totally deserves it. MOM is SUPER PROUD of both of us. Not so much of daddy tho LOL. Naw she'd be happy he's getting some snatch but probably wishes he'd get some classier snatch HEHEHEHE!

I have the best sissy ever!!!!!!!!!

On my way!

Things in my life are gloomy and changing. Faster than I ever wanted but hey, that's how life works. It's starting to look like I'm moving back to Logan. Not something I really want to do. But if i get the opportunity to better myself, then I guess it's worth it.
Talked to one of Alex's friends. He said that Alex would tell them how bad the relationship was (arguing all the time) so they pretty much told him to break up with me. I knew they had something to do with it. And they didn't know he was still calling me and coming to see me. His friend said he was hiding it from them because he told them it was over and done. HA! Alex seems kind of hurt that I may be moving. But it's his problem. I told him long ago he was the only thing keeping me here. And now that he's decided it's time for me to get over him and move on, I need to get away. Howdoes he expect me to get over him if I still talk to him everyday and he stll comes up to see me? He'll feel pretty dumb when he realizes he let his friends decide what his life should be. He ditches work now just to hang out or go swimming with them. What a poopy head. I hope he straightens up. Not for me but for himself.
Well teh job opportunity does sound good. I'm not sure about teaching special ed though. I like them and all, but it's not my idea of teaching. It's more like babysitting. But hey, maybe I could help them if I got that job. Hopefully there's something else open that I could do. The money would be better. And I would be closer to my family and friends. It wouldn't be horrible. But LOGAN sux. I hate going to the store in Logan. I hate being downtown in Logan. I hate the parents who let their kids do all kinda shit and get away with it. Ah, there's lots I hate about Logan.
But if I do go back, I don't want to live with anyone. I want my own place. I know I'd be welcome at my aunt's for free but I need my space. I like to be able to walk around nakie. And sing loud if I want. And I don't like a mess so I don't want to have to clean up after someone else, just my own mess.
I know things will work out for the best, but this is totally not my idea of happiness. I'll be leaving that here in Huntington. Along wih my appetite and sleep. Cause I don't seem to have either. I've been heartbroken before, but nothing compared to this. I feel void. My other half is gone. Blah Blah Blah. Makes me sick to talk about it anymore. The boss asks me everyday what's goinon or if Alex has woken up yet. I want to smack him in the face for asking. I tell him I don't want to talk about it. It's not his concern. But he knows I'm hurt and can see it on my face. I'll move on sometime. I just don't know how long that will take.
So for now, I've gotta think about what's best for me. And a better job with more responsibility might be the key. Who knows?

Down in the dumps...but not for long.

Feeling a little down in the dumps lately. Lonely. I have all these people around to see but everyone is too busy for me. Friends say to call but when I do, they don't answer or call back. The one person I counted on to be there, Alex, barely calls anymore because he's too busy hanging out with his childish friends. I wish I could find a MAN. Not a boy but someone who's willing to be a grown up and be responsible. I've given up on finding a good guy though. I've had a hard time trusting anyone and when I finally do start trusting people, they show me I shouldn't trust them.

I quit Cracker Barrel. I'm kinda regretting that because it at least gave me something to do on Monday nights. Now I'm bored to death. But I don't miss the work.

I'll pick myself up. It won't be long. I'm just in a rutt.

Wonderful August 13th...NOT

Well today was supposed to be mine and Alex's 4 year dating anniversary. But he's missing out on the best thing that ever happened to him. Oh well. We're having lunch together. Who knows about seeing him later. I try not to assume things anymore cause I always end up being let down. He called me first thing this morning to ask about lunch. At least I'm on his mind.

I'm friggen stuck here at work. I'm in no mood to be here. Not because I'm depressed or anything cause I'm actually better than I thought, but because I'm here to take people's rent and no one is paying their rent. So what's my point of being here. I would've enjoyed a day to sit at home and relax. Maybe do some laundry cause Lord knows I need to do that.

I'm feeling bad for my lil sis. I want her to be happy and it's killing me that she's upset. I know things will be ok for her but I want her lil ass to cheer up. Love my chicha! DUH

Went to McD's to get my food this morn. Ordered the country big breakfast cause it came with gravy and guess what? I got to work and NO GRAVY. Sad face :(

Reading a book by F. Keith Davis about Logan politicians and how crooked they were and are. He's getting a lot better at writing historically. One of the politicians written about in the first part of the book, Raymond Chafin, I found is related to me. Ha. All that family tree researching is paying off cause I keep finding all kinda shit out. LMAO. His greatgrandmother was my great grandfather's sister. Some people would call me a dork, but hey, someone's gotta do it. And I'm glad it's me! The book also gives a lot of information on Barnabus and Rossmore and Omar, WV which is where my papaw's family grew up.

I fixed my hair today, by fix I mean blow dry and straigten. I don't do it much anymore cause it kills my hair. Alex thought I did it for him but I was like I fixed it before I knew I would see you so hell no I didn't fix it for you. hehe. I fixed it for me cause hell if I'm gonna have a rough day, I wanna at least look nice cause it will make me feel better.

HOLLA!