On my way!

Things in my life are gloomy and changing. Faster than I ever wanted but hey, that's how life works. It's starting to look like I'm moving back to Logan. Not something I really want to do. But if i get the opportunity to better myself, then I guess it's worth it.
Talked to one of Alex's friends. He said that Alex would tell them how bad the relationship was (arguing all the time) so they pretty much told him to break up with me. I knew they had something to do with it. And they didn't know he was still calling me and coming to see me. His friend said he was hiding it from them because he told them it was over and done. HA! Alex seems kind of hurt that I may be moving. But it's his problem. I told him long ago he was the only thing keeping me here. And now that he's decided it's time for me to get over him and move on, I need to get away. Howdoes he expect me to get over him if I still talk to him everyday and he stll comes up to see me? He'll feel pretty dumb when he realizes he let his friends decide what his life should be. He ditches work now just to hang out or go swimming with them. What a poopy head. I hope he straightens up. Not for me but for himself.
Well teh job opportunity does sound good. I'm not sure about teaching special ed though. I like them and all, but it's not my idea of teaching. It's more like babysitting. But hey, maybe I could help them if I got that job. Hopefully there's something else open that I could do. The money would be better. And I would be closer to my family and friends. It wouldn't be horrible. But LOGAN sux. I hate going to the store in Logan. I hate being downtown in Logan. I hate the parents who let their kids do all kinda shit and get away with it. Ah, there's lots I hate about Logan.
But if I do go back, I don't want to live with anyone. I want my own place. I know I'd be welcome at my aunt's for free but I need my space. I like to be able to walk around nakie. And sing loud if I want. And I don't like a mess so I don't want to have to clean up after someone else, just my own mess.
I know things will work out for the best, but this is totally not my idea of happiness. I'll be leaving that here in Huntington. Along wih my appetite and sleep. Cause I don't seem to have either. I've been heartbroken before, but nothing compared to this. I feel void. My other half is gone. Blah Blah Blah. Makes me sick to talk about it anymore. The boss asks me everyday what's goinon or if Alex has woken up yet. I want to smack him in the face for asking. I tell him I don't want to talk about it. It's not his concern. But he knows I'm hurt and can see it on my face. I'll move on sometime. I just don't know how long that will take.
So for now, I've gotta think about what's best for me. And a better job with more responsibility might be the key. Who knows?

Down in the dumps...but not for long.

Feeling a little down in the dumps lately. Lonely. I have all these people around to see but everyone is too busy for me. Friends say to call but when I do, they don't answer or call back. The one person I counted on to be there, Alex, barely calls anymore because he's too busy hanging out with his childish friends. I wish I could find a MAN. Not a boy but someone who's willing to be a grown up and be responsible. I've given up on finding a good guy though. I've had a hard time trusting anyone and when I finally do start trusting people, they show me I shouldn't trust them.

I quit Cracker Barrel. I'm kinda regretting that because it at least gave me something to do on Monday nights. Now I'm bored to death. But I don't miss the work.

I'll pick myself up. It won't be long. I'm just in a rutt.

Wonderful August 13th...NOT

Well today was supposed to be mine and Alex's 4 year dating anniversary. But he's missing out on the best thing that ever happened to him. Oh well. We're having lunch together. Who knows about seeing him later. I try not to assume things anymore cause I always end up being let down. He called me first thing this morning to ask about lunch. At least I'm on his mind.

I'm friggen stuck here at work. I'm in no mood to be here. Not because I'm depressed or anything cause I'm actually better than I thought, but because I'm here to take people's rent and no one is paying their rent. So what's my point of being here. I would've enjoyed a day to sit at home and relax. Maybe do some laundry cause Lord knows I need to do that.

I'm feeling bad for my lil sis. I want her to be happy and it's killing me that she's upset. I know things will be ok for her but I want her lil ass to cheer up. Love my chicha! DUH

Went to McD's to get my food this morn. Ordered the country big breakfast cause it came with gravy and guess what? I got to work and NO GRAVY. Sad face :(

Reading a book by F. Keith Davis about Logan politicians and how crooked they were and are. He's getting a lot better at writing historically. One of the politicians written about in the first part of the book, Raymond Chafin, I found is related to me. Ha. All that family tree researching is paying off cause I keep finding all kinda shit out. LMAO. His greatgrandmother was my great grandfather's sister. Some people would call me a dork, but hey, someone's gotta do it. And I'm glad it's me! The book also gives a lot of information on Barnabus and Rossmore and Omar, WV which is where my papaw's family grew up.

I fixed my hair today, by fix I mean blow dry and straigten. I don't do it much anymore cause it kills my hair. Alex thought I did it for him but I was like I fixed it before I knew I would see you so hell no I didn't fix it for you. hehe. I fixed it for me cause hell if I'm gonna have a rough day, I wanna at least look nice cause it will make me feel better.

HOLLA!

I want a new car!

I'm going to buy a new car. Yay for me. It's just that time. I think I can afford something now and my cougar just won't do any longer. I saw an add on tv for Dutch Miller Kia that I can get a new 2009 car for $94 a month. Totally my price. Possibly too good to be true but I'ma check anyway. My ideal car would be a honda but I can't afford a new one of those and what's the point in getting a used one when I can get a brand new car. It would be totally nice. Plus those Kias are supposed to get good gas mileage and they accept the cash for clunkers thing. I'm pretty sure my cougar will qualify since it's a peice of poopy with nuts mixed in. LOL. I need to put on my game face though cause I'ma see what kinda deal I can get and I'll need to be a hard ass and ask a lot of questions so they know I'm serious and know my stuff. After my car, I should be an expert on what I want and what to ask about. Please God help me in this matter to get a new car. It is much needed, both for reliability and personal satisfaction.

Blog Blog BLog. I want to throw a chair out the window. LOL


Sick of sitting at work all day hoping that my bosses will do what needs to be done on my end of the business but yet again as always, they are off worrying about other things and leave me here to hear all the complaints about things in the apartments that aren't being taken care of. People don't pay their rent, things aren't getting fixed, and I'm tired of all the mess.


I know I know, if you don't like it change it. Well that's exactly what I intend to do soon.


I'ma go back to school so I don't have to deal with this anymore.


In previous blogs and this, I do love the people I work withbut it just keeps getting harder to put up with all the things I shouldn't have to if others would do what they re supposed to do.


I could go on and on.





On a sad note, one of our family pets, Molly (weiner dog) passed away. Mom loved those dogs. They were around for a long time. RIP Miss Molly!!!!!





May plan on seeing a movie this weekend with the ex. Don't know what's going on there still but we're getting along great. See each other almost every day and talk every day. Drives me crazy that I don't have a difinitive title with him but I'm taking things slow. Don't wanna mess em up. But I still wanna kick his ass. LOL

He still loves me! Hehe

Just really tired.

Boy am I just so tired all the time. All I seem to do is work and don't have much to show for it. I have been working for more than 10 years now and I'm only 26. When I put it that way, it seems like an extremely long time for someone my age to be working but many people have lived like this. My first job was at Pizza Hut. I was a server. Not good money but for a 16 year old I was happy with it. Moved on from there to work as a server/cook/hostess/cashier/cleaning girl/party planner/everything for the local park system. I worked there until my departure to college. Glad to say the first couple of yars in college I didn't work. Didn't do much of anything really. I had no goals though it seemed I did. I guess I was content at the time. Then I started working for the Cracker Barrel as a cashier then as a hostess too. They have always been really good to me there but it can be really stressful. See, I'm a perfectionist at work. Things always hav to be in the same place or way I normally keep them. It became kind of a joke between me and fellow employees. I became the obsessive-compulsive person. They all knew to clean up the cash stand before I came in for my shift. Otherwise, I'd spend the first hour I was there neatly putting things in order. When I hosted, I would clean the tables off and sweep the dining room. Maybe you could say I just take pride in what I'm doing and don't think it should be half assed. I like going to a restaurant that's clean and where people are nice. That's the Cracker Barrel way (well supposed to be). So I always wanted things to be presentable. I could never be a manager there although they asked me like a hundred times to train for it. I would be so critical. Now I work for a construction and rental company as a secretery and leasing consultant. Oh boy. I'm always stressed about things. And it's not even really MY stress. When tenants don't pay rent, I get stressed cause I got my boss telling me to call and write letters and post door hangers. The rent's not coming to me so I shouldn't be as stressed if someone doesn't pay right away. And I've never in my life seen such a nosy, nasty, tattletaleing bunch of people, ever. People tell on others for everything. People are soooo nasty with their apartments. The maintanance work seems like it never gets done. Mostly because the maintanance man hardly likes to show up for work and I think he sits around sometimes when we think he's working on something. And the guys lie on their time sheets. And tenants will call and say they talked to my boss about something and I know nothing about it and say he said something was OK and expect me not to ask him. Of course I'm gonna find out before I tell them OK myself because I've had to deal with a bunch of liers. They all lie. Makes me wanna just throw shit at them like a monkey and say you stupid person. Ah I'm acting like a child hehe. But on the good side of this job is comfort. The people I work for and with feel like family. Well I am here 8 to 5 every Monday through Friday, but they make me comfortable. I get any of the latest technology if I want. All I have to do is ask. The boss brings me a Red Bull almost everyday. Much of the time I'm doing my own research. My boss just hands me money sometimes. Usually it's a 20 but he gave me a 50 just yesterday. They bought me stuff before my cruise and gave me money to gamble on and for whatever I wanted. They are good people with money. I like them.
But boy am I tired. I wake up at 6:20 am Monday through Friday to work 8 to 5. On Monday's I have to work (well only one more Monday since I've put my notice in at the Barrel. 30$ a week just wasn't worth all the hassle) at the Barrel. So I would work 8-5 then leave, drive home, change clothes, and then head to Cracker Barrel 6 to 10:30. I was worn out for days just to make up for my Mondays. I was also having to deal with taking care of one of our tenants pets on a daily basis. She moved thank goodness.
I'm just looking foward to going back to school and doing something I would really love. Teaching history. I have been out of school for 2 years now. It will be hard to motivate myself to do the work again but I feel now I will better apply myself. School work has always interested me but never kept my attention long because much of it was boring. I want to bring some excitement into learning history. Kids need to find what interests them and have a teacher willing to take their topics and teach it with enthusiasm.
I just think also that 7 to 3 is a much better work schedule than 8 to 5. Plus I could get summers off. Vacays!!!!
I'm just ready to take a new step in my life. I have some really good things in me. I just lack the motivation to bring them out.

Thoughts on a relationship.

Well I've learned many things in life in my 26 years and I keep learning everyday. I've learned that a relationship takes a lot of hard work. Many people say that of course, but I've lived it. It takes sacrifice. It takes communication. It takes most of all love and will (the will to want things to work). People say when you know, you just know. Well, I just know it and I feel it. So giving up is not in my vocabulary on this particular subject with a particular someone. I've learned there's no pushing someone to make up their mind quickly because they need time to weigh what's right in their life too. I can't always think about myself. I've been put in that situation before. What really matters is that I'm willing to risk a little heartache if the outcome eventually may end in happiness. I have hope. I put my trust in God in these matters because that's who takes care of me and will give me the right results. Not just what I want but what is right for me. God said be patient and trust in him. I know there's a good man in him. He just has to see it himself. So I'm waiting, patiently!